It’s crazy how some days I don’t think about alcohol at all, and some days one thing will trigger a memory or a feeling, and then I have issues for the rest of the day.
Feelings seem intense now. Happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, thankfulness… All deeper than I’m comfortable with. Please…tell me that I’ll get used to living life on life’s terms…and I will get used to feeling my feelings again.
When I do feel uncomfortable I call someone. And talk. My husband or my Sponser, or a friend from the group. These new friends are so supportive. I love them dearly.
I’ve been craving sugar like crazy! Is this normal? I never have been a sugar person. But I have to scream “NO!” to myself lately as visions of donuts and jelly beans dance in my head.
And that leads me to…..this problem…
As I mentioned in my “About” page, I am also a food addict. I had gastric sleeve surgery a year ago, and have so far lost 93 lbs. People ask me, “Do you eat better now?” Hahaha
Let me tell you something, just because I had surgery and had 80% of my stomach removed does NOT change my addiction to food. And guess what? I never was addicted to salad and fruits and vegetables. So even though I have to eat small portions (or suffer painful consequences,) I still eat my favorite foods most of the time. I can’t help it! I LOVE CHEESE. And bread. And butter. And steak and chicken. Yes I am still on my cholesterol meds.
So I find my mind is still in a painful obsession, thinking about food.
I love to cook, and I love to eat, and when I can’t eat, I cook for other people and watch THEM eat, and I live vicariously through them. I can spend hours on Pinterest going through hundreds of recipes. This is a sickness for sure. It always has been. In fact, I’m sure that I think much more about food than I did before I had the surgery! That is not normal!
So here I am in the same obsessive behavior as I was with alcohol. The problem lies here though… I can abstain from alcohol. I can’t abstain from food. And when I look at food or smell food or eat food, it triggers an obsessive craving for more food. This is not fun. I’m trying to get control of my life here, people!
When I decided to have the surgery I
- Wanted to be healthy again.
- Wanted to be able to be active again, and
- Wanted to not be obsessed about food all the time.
Number 3 has not changed. My brain has to change! Unfortunately that addiction is stronger than ever. What the hell is it that makes my brain think like this????
I started seeing a therapist about this, and am praying that she will help me. I guess this is one more thing I have to give up to God, because so far I’m driving myself crazy. I look healthy, but mentally, people have no idea what’s going on in my head.
Any thoughts on this?
On the other hand, I think I have my sea legs now. I’m in a good daily and nightly routine, which I never had before. I’m walking on the treadmill every day, and going to meetings once or twice a day. Physically I’m feeling so much better!
I’m working on the steps with my sponser, and letting my feelings out instead of deadening my emotions with alcohol. Communicating in meetings is hard for me. But I feel so much better if I do.
I feel like I am doing the right things. Hopefully the steps will help me tackle other parts of my life too. One day at a time…right?
Right.
dreamsofbeingsober 
Give yourself a biiiiig pat on the back! You are doing all the right things to get your life on track. That takes enormous courage and strength. You’re probably craving sugar because there’s a lot of sugar in alcohol and your body doesn’t know what the heck is going on. It will pass. When I quit drinking my back broke out in hundreds of pimples. I think that too was sugar withdrawal. And if we’re addicted to one thing, chances are we’re addicted to others, like food. I know a lot of people in AA who also attending Overeaters Anonymous meetings. You’re addicted to food, your mind does what it does because you’re an addict, Just like all of us in recovery. It just is what it is, but like I said, you’re doing all the right things to get a handle on your addictions, I wish you all the best. One day at a time,
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As a person in longterm recovery, I encourage you to work the 12 Steps on yout food addiction. It IS the same. An addiction is an addiction. I early (alcohol) recovery we were told to keep hard candy around. Honey (a spoonful at a time 😉 ) is probably a better choice. You’ve got this. 🙂
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Thanks Abbiegirl. I will try this. I don’t know why, I guess I’ve been embarrassed, but I haven’t told my Sponser about my surgery. I think it is because she made a reference to her fat sister in law, and how lazy she is. I just don’t want her to think that I was ever that way. But I think I’ll have to tell her pretty soon. Secrets are no good.
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True enough. If you tell her how the crack about her s-i-l made you feel, she’ll either make amends or you’ll know you need a different Sponsor.
🙂
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